In today’s video I want to talk about what to do if a man that used to be interested in you has suddenly lost interest and has disappeared. This is a really common scenario and I’ll share my own personal experience. I’ll talk about why I believe I handled this the right way, the feminine way and why I really encourage you to embrace your feminine energy.
A lot of women, especially career-driven ambitious women, don’t really understand how powerful your feminine energy really is.
If you want to understand more about the feminine energy and to know what your current feminine energy score is, check out the link on the screen or in the description. I have put together a fun little quiz for you to figure out your personal feminine energy score and for you to know how magnetic you are to men.
This is a really frustrating situation to be in so I’ll talk about what happened to me. Before I met my husband, I was single. I was just happy being single I was just doing my single business and then all of a sudden, one day I met this one man and the moment I met him I knew I was in trouble because I felt butterflies in the stomach, I felt super attracted to him.
We also had a ton in common, he was an artist I was doing art at the time, so I was very attracted to him because we had something in common there. I felt like we had an emotional connection as well so as soon as I felt all of these feelings which you know I’m very familiar with at this point, I knew I was in trouble because I could feel myself changing and I’m very aware that when we like someone we behave and act differently because our emotions are coming out of us that we normally wouldn’t have.
So we don’t think as clear-headedly as we normally would and I don’t think that’s a bad thing by the way. There’s a reason why these emotions are coming up and why it’s dictating your actions.
So what happened was, I met him, sparks flew, I was extremely confident this guy was going to pursue me and chase me because he was reciprocating the spark that he was really into me as well. That first day we met we actually kissed. Well what happened was, a week went by and he didn’t message me, didn’t text me, didn’t ask me out, didn’t make plans to see me nothing, so at this point I was starting to get a little worried as you would because I was so positive that things were going to develop between us so what I did was I ended up, over the next few weeks, I ended up orchestrating these events where I could potentially spend time with him.
So we ended up seeing each other once a week because of these events that I created so I had an excuse basically to see him and spend time with him and our relationship kind of went along that way. We would fool around, we would joke and banter, we still had a really strong connection, good conversations, everything was still great but I could tell, I sensed that he wasn’t really pursuing me the way I expected he would. So after a couple of weeks of this, I even asked him, “I guess you’re not interested in a relationship.”
And he didn’t deny it so I knew he wasn’t really ready for a relationship or wanted a relationship…who knew what he was really thinking.
At that time I just knew I really liked him, I just wanted to spend more time with him. I was afraid to have those kind of ‘relationship-y conversations’ because I didn’t feel that they were appropriate because we were not in a relationship nor were we dating or anything like that… so that was basically what happened
. And here’s the lesson I want you to take away from this, I did a few things right, so what I did right was, I allowed being in my feminine. I allowed the space to be there between us, so if he didn’t message me, I allowed him to not message me, I didn’t say to myself… oh he hasn’t messaged me in a week, what’s going on? I thought he would be wanting to spend time with me and see me. I also didn’t say to him okay I want to know where we’re going what’s going on, I didn’t demand answers from him. I didn’t demand something from him. That energy is very masculine… when you’re going to the man, demanding answers, wanting him to confirm or deny.. what you’re worried about, what you’re anxious about… that’s a very masculine energy and it’s also very needy and clingy.
I didn’t do any of that, I allowed that space to be there, if he wanted to step into it and pursue me he could have or if he didn’t want to do that, I was going to accept that. And I did.
Now some of you may be thinking well you did orchestrate these events so you can see him right and yeah I did but notice how that’s a very different thing from me directly going to him and asking to spend time with him, so I wasn’t directly asking hey let’s hang out this weekend, let’s go have coffee, let’s have dinner together. Let’s do this, let’s do that. Okay I wasn’t directly asking and creating plans and organizing things like that. I wasn’t pursuing in that way.
The feminine… the way the feminine goes about I guess spending time with someone or getting someone to do something.. let’s use the word even though I don’t really like the word… manipulates very indirectly. She’s never going directly to the person to get something out of him but she is going around the situation very indirectly, so I was creating these events where potentially other people could come to them and just inviting him as well. Very indirect.
Even though I knew with these events, no one else would come and it would just be us and we have a routine what we do certain things when we get together. But I would never talk about that, I would just create these events and be very innocent about it. So that was the feminine way and I also just … if he didn’t pursue me…I didn’t go to him and act all you know shitty and snappy and bitchy like oh I deserve more than this, I need you to do this, I have certain standards.
You know I didn’t do that. I just allowed him to do whatever he needed to do. So sometimes weeks would go by.. I wouldn’t talk to him. Two weeks, three weeks, maybe a month even, where I wouldn’t hear from him. That I think I did right. Okay I didn’t push it onto him, I didn’t ask him to hang out, I didn’t directly go into the masculine and chase him in that way.
So after about a couple of months of this, at this point I knew he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Now I wasn’t going to continue to create these events where we would just hang out at these events because I was starting to get attached. I was starting to spend more and more time thinking about him, yearning him, missing him, wondering if he was seeing other women, going out at night and being with other women, these thoughts were starting to really bother me.
Because I was developing feelings after a couple of months, because I wasn’t resisting those feelings, I was just allowing whatever feelings came up and whether it was disappointment, anger, jealousy, I allowed the emotions to come up and to be there. I gave them room to basically be with those emotions and to be processed.
And because I didn’t resist them, after a couple of months the writing was on the wall. Clearly he wasn’t interested and because I allowed my emotions, I was basically over him on the third month. By the third month, I didn’t really care anymore. I knew he wasn’t that interested and he wasn’t messaging me, I wasn’t messaging him and I didn’t care anymore. Even though I would think about him, it wouldn’t trigger strong emotions anymore because I already felt all those strong emotions.
I allowed them to run through me. And let me tell you, it was tough. Those couple of months, it was really hard on me emotionally and in fact if I think back to that time, even now thinking back to that time, I had a harder time during those couple of months then I did after my four-year breakup. It was harder on me and we didn’t even have a relationship.
It was just us hanging out every now and then but emotionally it felt like a breakup for me and because it felt like a breakup and because I had just gone through a breakup. Actually I think I’d gone through a breakup a year before… that I knew how to process those feelings and because I allowed those feelings to come through me I gave them the space. I was present with those feelings.
I was over it relatively quickly so on the third month I was over it. I didn’t really care anymore. If I thought about him, it’s like eh.. whatever, next! I was moving on emotionally. So emotionally I was fine, I was over it and that is what I did well.
Now I see some women and it takes some women months, maybe six months or more maybe sometimes years to get over someone. If they think about that person it still brings up a lot of emotions…emotions threatening to come up and I think the reason that is happening is because they didn’t allow those feelings to come up in the first place. They didn’t fully allow the feelings there, whatever the emotions that wanted to be there to be there were – so in a healthy way they can be processed.
That’s what I did well. I stayed in my feminine that entire time. Allowed him to either step into this space that I allowed to be or not it was fine. I was willing to accept that whole time – I did not delude myself. I didn’t step into that space for him and and you know created all these conversations and scenarios and deluded myself into thinking Oh everything’s going great because he’s talking to me and we’re having fun conversations we’re having sex and everything’s great.
I didn’t do that I stayed true to reality and the reality was I was initiating 70% of the time, him only 30% if that and majority of our conversations, he was just responding to me, to me initiating, so I stayed true to that. I was present to that. I was not deluding myself I was very aware of the reality. I didn’t tell myself there was something there, that wasn’t there and I think the big reason I was able to stay true to reality was because I allowed that space to be there. I didn’t go in there and try to demand answers I didn’t try to use my masculine to force something to happen, some of you ladies may think okay I’ve been in situations and I have used my masculine I have maybe acted kind of bitchy and I’ve said things because I was angry, I was annoyed and then afterwards I regretted it.
That is the difference between using your masculine in that scenario and using your feminine. When you’re in your masculine maybe the outcome may still be the same right.. he may still not be interested.
If a guy’s not interested, he’s not interested… whether you’re feminine or masculine… he’s still not gonna necessarily be interested. But what happens is… if you’re in your masculine and the guy’s not interested, it’s very easy for you to say and do things that will push him away and in your mind it’s then kind of easy for you to think.. well it was me. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have done that. If I hadn’t of said that, hadn’t of done that, maybe something different could have happened. Maybe he wouldn’t have disappeared right.
Then you get into this blame cycle, blaming yourself because you did things, said things, that you later regretted. Whereas when I was in my feminine, I didn’t do that. If he didn’t want to message me, I was okay with that. If he did great, I didn’t punish him whether he did or didn’t. I didn’t demand answers, I just stayed with my feelings, processed my feelings. I did a lot of journaling, I watched a lot of YouTube videos.
I processed my feelings. I didn’t resist it. I didn’t drown myself in work, go out and party with girlfriends and you know try to distract myself with other guys. I didn’t do any of that because I wanted to stay true to my feelings in the reality of what was going on with me and that’s how I was able to get over him on the third month.
And now when I look back on this experience I can honestly say I don’t regret any of that. I didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything wrong and it was just a great experience of two people who had a connection. We couldn’t have had a relationship but we had a lovely connection and those couple of times we spent together was great.
I only have positive things to say about that. That’s the big difference and I just want you to be mindful of what you’re turning to. Are you using your masculine or are you using your feminine? And just be mindful about that and to create a situation that hopefully in the future will take care of you.
Where you can actually benefit from in the future – the future you – no matter what happens. So that’s my big lesson for this week.
I hope it’s been helpful and once again. if you’re curious to know what your current feminine energy score is, check out the link on the screen or the link in the description to take my quiz to find out your unique feminine energy score.
That’s all from me. Please like this video, if you enjoyed it, subscribe to my channel and share it with your friends and I’ll be back with another video next week. Bye girls!