Did you know that most women are clueless with men and that’s why they continue to fail over and over without knowing why?
In this article I want to share the top ten reasons why women fail with men, and how to make sure you avoid making every single one of these dating mistakes.
Let me ask you…
Do you want to get a man to fall in love with you? Or do you want to be happy?
I’m going to bet you want to be happy.
Because getting a man to fall in love with you by itself has no meaning. If you do not love the man, then it will not matter how many men you succeed to make fall in love with you, it will mean NOTHING if that’s not really what you want.
As a woman, let me tell you what I want:
I want to be happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to love.
I want to feel secure without feeling trapped.
I want to find a man I’m crazy about and can see myself growing old with and marry him.
What about you?
Do any of these resonated with you too?
If so, then we’re on the same page and I’m glad we’ve met.
I’ve been struggling with men nearly my whole life and it is why I became passionate about seeking the answers for myself.
Here’s the top ten reasons why women fail with men, and how to make sure YOU avoid making every single one of these deadly mistakes.
MISTAKE #1 – Being Impatient To Get Into A Relationship
Have you ever just wanted to be in a relationship SO BAD because it felt like you were “missing out” when you weren’t in one?
Or the thought of being alone depressed you because it meant “no one loved you” and you weren’t strong enough to survive “on your own?”
I know I certainly have.
The problem with that was I constantly found myself in relationships that were unfulfilling.
When those relationships ended, it always felt like I had wasted a lot of my time. And then the quest for the next relationship would begin. The cycle of chasing another relationship just to “feel ok” would start all over again.
I was too impatient.
I wanted that great relationship quickly. I didn’t want to wait months and then years.
This problem is made worse when a seemingly great guy does come along. (Because we all know how common that is).
So we have the tendency to want to “cling” to the guy, or “try too hard” or be an “approval seeker” just so we can finally “get this guy” and end our drought once and for all.
The great men, the successful, attractive ones are used to women throwing themselves at them all the time. So when you come along and you’re another one of those “clingers” that seem to be chasing a relationship, he’s just going to RUN.
Do Instead: Slow down. Don’t be in a rush for the finish line. Genuine love between two people can’t be rushed or hurried. It can’t be manufactured.
It’s organic, it’s unique, it’s created moment by moment between two unique souls that has never come together before. Your union with another soul can only happen one time, and it can never be recreated just like paint splatter can never fall the same way twice.
Stop thinking about your relationship as something you can achieve through sheer willpower.
MISTAKE #2 – Falling In Love With An Ideal
What I’ve notice women do is they’ll meet a seemingly great guy. She feels a DEEP level attraction that she hasn’t felt in a long time with anyone else. He ticks all the right boxes. And then within the span of a very short time she finds herself falling for him.
He’s probably extremely good-looking, successful, has a great personality, funny and most of all, she feels a strong attraction for him.
As the relationship develops, she may even fall in love with him. Now the part that becomes unsettling is that, the guy may not even treat her very well. He may be a bit of a jerk, put little to no effort in, and basically only call her for cheap and easy sex.
Yet, when a woman feels a DEEP attraction with a guy, on a level she can’t even explain, she will often find herself making all kinds of excuses just to stay in the relationship with him.
Even intelligent and strong women!
BEWARE! What you’re doing is falling in love with an ideal. The problem with this is most women in this situation want to believe a guy “can change” because he has “great potential”.
Women make the classic mistake of hoping with enough time, patience and love, they will have an influence on him and he will eventually “fall in love with her.”
Do Instead: Lean into the reality of the situation. What are the facts? How much do you really know of him? What more don’t you know? What is what you’re assuming/making up about the person, and who is he showing you to be? Men are always showing us who they really are, we just need to be observant and pay attention.
Men always put their best foot forward in the beginning. So often women say a man has stopped doing XYZ after so many months of dating. I say, he’s just showing her who he really is. He’s dropping his pursuit and being his baseline self. You need to ask yourself: can you accept the person he’s showing you to be?
MISTAKE #3 – Revealing Your Feelings Too Soon
Have you ever really liked a guy and you thought the best way to handle it is to finally come clean and confess these feelings to him?
Revealing your feelings too soon, especially BEFORE he has revealed his feelings to you, will just scare the guy away!
Attractive, single, successful guys are rare. They are basically sitting at the top of the social pyramid, meaning they can afford to be choosy when picking a mate. So when it comes to women, they’ve probably seen and heard it all.
When you tell a guy you REALLY like him, you’re basically lowering your social value and he will come to see you as another potentially clingy woman who needs him to “complete her”.
Hence, his interest in you will diminish.
This is not attractive.
Great men prefer a challenge. They don’t want things to be easy.
Do Instead: Don’t give away too much too soon. Be willing to be mysterious and let things unravel on their own. Your true feelings and his true feelings will come out eventually, there is no rush to share them in an attempt to “snatch him up”.
MISTAKE #4 – Ignoring The Signs He’s Just Not Into You
Men are sending signals all the time to a woman about how he feels about her. Now he may not even know he is doing it, but unconsciously the signs are there if you know where to look.
He’ll do this through:
- Communication with you – what he talks about, the scope of his conversations and how often he initiates are all telling you something about how he feels about you.
- Body language – how he feels about himself, his confidence level, how he treats other people, how he treats you
- His emotional capacity – his capability to be emotionally available. Is he capable of talking about the deep and meaningful? Is he capable of opening up?
- Belief about relationships – is he open to falling in love? In some stages of a man’s life he isn’t focused on being in a relationship, perhaps he’s just after new sensations and being uncommitted. In this case, a man will deliberately make himself hard to reach and unavailable. It’s deliberate.
Often, it’s not hard to figure out what a man is thinking, you simply need to use common sense and ask yourself: “In my GUT LEVEL, do I feel he is into me?”
Women are extremely intuitive, so more often than not you already know this answer.
Do Instead: Trust your gut intuition. This requires tapping into how you feel in your body, instead of using your head to analysis the situation. Your body knows more than your head will sometimes allow you to know.
MISTAKE #5 – Assume You Understand Men And The Way They Think
Men and women think quite differently. You also must consider what’s “underneath” just the surface of what you’re shown.
For example: a man who appears to “just be after sex”, may just be clueless with talking to women, and actually prefer to have a girlfriend.
Therefore you should never assume you understand how a man feels because often.. you’re probably wrong.
You may be missing a lot of great dating opportunities due to a lack of understanding of how men think.
Do Instead: Learn more about what men want and desire.
MISTAKE #6 – Willing to Accept Any Offer A Man Gives You
If you would like a relationship with a man and yet settle for less, such as just being a casual hookup when he’s horny, then you’re really telling him you’re lower on the social pyramid than him. When you are willing to accept whatever crumbs he gives you because that’s all you think you can get, his perceived value of you also drops.
Why would a man want to date down when he can date someone of equal or higher social value to him?
A man won’t just place you on a pedestal, at least, rarely the guys you want to date. You have to place yourself there before he will.
Do Instead: You want to project a sense of being equal or being slightly “better” than him to catch his attention.
MISTAKE #7 – Being Someone You’re Not To Impress Him
This could happen to even the most “confident” women. When you find a guy that makes your heart do somersaults and your palms sweat buckets, it’s hard to just relax and say and do what you want.
Instead you’re careful about how you behave, you’re more forgiving, you bite your tongue to avoid arguments, you start doing, saying and dressing in ways you never have before… all in an effort to try to impress this guy.
The funny thing about this mistake is that what feels like it should work to “impress him” actually has the opposite effect.
Men are attracted to opinionated and confident women. They don’t want a doormat as a girlfriend. They want to see your personality. They want to know you have thoughts of your own and see you passionately expressing them.
Men are also much more drawn to women with flaws. It’s human nature to like flawed people. By trying to be perfect all the time, you’ll only rob yourself the chance to build a true connection with him.
Do Instead: Most women I know have a hard time really deciphering who they are genuinely, and who they think they should be. We often operate on autopilot and default to habits of behaviour, and those habitual programming may be to “please others”. Start to tap into what you genuinely want and putting a voice to your needs first.
MISTAKE #8 – Waiting For Him To Do/Handle Everything
I know women like to be with a man who takes charge, but there is allowing a man to lead and forcing him to lead because you’re so passive he has to make all the decisions.
I see a lot of women complain and say, “It’s been a week and he still has not asked me out!”
And I often ask, “Well, have you ever asked him out?”
Usually I’m met with a No.
I understand that women don’t want to be the aggressors, but sometimes women take this too far and end up passively waiting on the sidelines, waiting for the man to do and plan everything to progress the relationship.
It’s ok to initiate a conversation, it’s ok to ask a guy out, it’s ok to approach a guy, it’s even ok to initiate sex.
He will not see these actions as being desperate; he’ll simply see that you’re a woman who knows what you want and not afraid to go get it for yourself.
This is a very attractive trait.
Do Instead: Ask him out every now and then, but don’t do all the pursuing, date planning and organizing. Keep the ratio to around 7:3. 70% of the time he should be initiating/planning, and the other 30% you should be.
MISTAKE #9 – Not Saying What You Mean
Men prefer direct and clean communication. Women, funnily enough, prefer the opposite. Women are often more cryptic, subtle and indirect about communicating something. But men often don’t pick up on these communication cues.
Some women will even tell lies out of fear instead of telling the truth.
For example, a woman may say, “I don’t want a relationship, I just want something casual.” When she actually DOES want a relationship. The reason she says she doesn’t is due to fear. She’s afraid if she told the truth, he would no longer be interested in her.
Do Instead: Tell men what you want on the first date. You can’t scare the right guy away, and if a man is scared off by this, he’s clearly not your man and it’s better to know this as early as on the first date.
And remember when telling men what you want, you’re talking in generalities. You’re not saying you want a relationship WITH HIM, you’re saying you want a relationship with the “right person”.
MISTAKE #10 – Not Healing Your Emotional Wounds
When women go out and date while carrying emotional baggage, they often find themselves triggered by the men they’re dating.
For example if you’ve had men lie or cheat on you in the past, who you have felt betrayed by, and you have never “resolved” these issues internally, you will end up projecting that issue onto new men you date.
You are the walking wounded, highly sensitive to picking up any signs that a man “could” lie or cheat on you again. Unfortunately this is where you will start to create the very scenario you wanted to avoid.
I see this with women time and time again. They’re afraid of being lied to, cheated on or abandoned in the relationship, and due to having such high anxiety around this, they end up creating problems in the relationship and make the VERY thing they didn’t want to happen happen.
Women who fear being dumped, end up being dumped. Women who fear being lied to, end up being lied to. Women who fear being cheated on, end up being cheated on. Inevitably the relationship ends, either by her feeling like she had “no choice” but to end it or by him leaving her due the lack of trust. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is nothing wrong with a little fear every now and then, but if your fear is taking over your relationship, and running it into the ground, then that IS a problem.
Do Instead: You have to take responsibility for your own emotional triggers and past wounds. Surprisingly, the best fix for this is to communicate authentically about your insecurities. If done right, this will bring him closer to you and you’ll be able to heal your wounds through the help of his love and support.
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This is especially important when you’re dating a man with experience. Experienced men know what they want, they know what to look for and they also throw out “tests” to see what kind of woman they’re dealing with.
Learn what men want.
If you come in and basically try things on your own, you’re really shooting in the dark. Most likely you’ll get swept up in whatever strategy or game HE decides to play with you.
You can quickly divert this by having your own strategy, set things up so men know they are playing by YOUR rules, not theirs. Which means you need to have rules and a strategy to begin with.
It’s not your fault though. The advice you’ve heard from friends, family or even the dozens of gurus online will only CONFUSE you rather than help you.
As you know, I used to be terrible with men. I was delusional. I was in my own little bubble of reality. And I wasn’t tuned in to how men really think and the rules of attraction.
That meant I constantly ran myself into dead ends. I dated guys that bored me. I dated guys that were jerks. I dated great guys who I eventually scared off due to my lack of understanding of men and relationships.
Basically I wasted a lot of time, and one day, I just got sick of struggling in this area of my life.
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There Is A Better Way
You CAN attract a great man and hook him in, but you need to be prepared. You need a strategy that is solid and proven to work.
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Don’t give up!