Are you currently in a long distance relationship and would like to get your ex back? Read through my TOP 3 TIPS that could save you some trouble if you happen to be in a long distance relationship!
Long distance relationships are clearly different and often more challenging than the rest. Why? Because you don’t get to enjoy all the wonders that physical proximity can offer. This can undoubtedly be difficult when trying to sustain a long-term, serious relationship!
All you really have is communication through words, be it through texts or talking on the phone. Even if you were to use your webcam or FaceTime, it’s still just very two-dimensional. You’re only ever talking to your partner through a screen… a barrier, a filter!
Often, the glue that holds an LDR (long distance relationship) together is the emotional connection between the partners. I’d even say that it’s easier to make yourself vulnerable in one, to share your hopes and dreams and speak your mind. While you are opening yourself up to the other person, there is also the perception of some kind of protection… the SCREEN! This isn’t always possible in a “local relationship” – there is no barrier when the other person is sitting right in front of you. It can frankly be a little intimidating for a lot of people to share parts of themselves so nakedly. So I really do get why LDR might appeal to some people, especially if baring it all isn’t easy for them on the day to day!
With all of that being said, here are my top 3 tips to get your ex back in a long distance relationship.
Tip #1: Long distance or not, maintain a period of “No-contact!”
You need to allow yourself the time to heal, gain clarity and emotional control after a breakup. Bombarding your ex with texts and calls to say things that you might later regret is only counter-productive. You might even annoy them to the point of being blocked by them! But if you’re in a long distance relationship, I recommend that you don’t do “the space” for too long because all you really have is words… texts and calls. So by nature, you already do have the space AND THE DISTANCE!
You do not really want to avoid talking to your ex for too long. So if you go without talking for a whole month in a regular relationship, for a long distance relationship, I would just cut the period to half… so maybe two weeks of no contact. If you go from talking and texting everyday and get your partner used to hearing from you everyday, to suddenly NOTHING at all for a week, they’re definitely going to feel that! They will probably start to miss you the same way as though you were in a regular, “local” relationship!
Tip #2: Once you do re-establish contact, don’t jump immediately to “old times”!
We have talked about intimacy as being one of the draws of a long distance relationship, being able to share things that you might not be able to as easily when in the direct presence of another person. So a lot of times, when people re-establish contact after a break, they tend to go all in and speaking to their ex like old times… like they’re still “boyfriend and girlfriend!” But this might freak your ex out and make them want to pull back or go cold on you again. Part of the reason why they probably didn’t want to go on with the relationship is that something about the intimacy, the closeness, had begun to feel negative… so they don’t want to be drawn back into what feels like a relationship!
So instead of going back to high levels of intimacy, you might want to turn it down to Level #1 – just talking about the weather, what you did or saw during the weekend, things that are mostly external to your relationship… so basically just safe topics, stuff you’d talk to strangers or casual acquaintances about! So no going back to cute little nicknames that you used to call them, no flirting or being overly sexual even if that’s what you really want to do!
You want to turn up the intimacy SLOWLY…
Let your ex dip a toe and check the temperature instead of getting them to dive into that hot, scalding bath! And if there is a real connection and if you can keep the interactions pleasant, slipping back into emotional intimacy shouldn’t be too difficult since that is what drew them in in the first place!
Tip #3: Talk about when or how the distance is really going to end!
A lot of couples tend to dodge this one because the distance has come to feel familiar. So the idea of ending it is an abstract and fuzzy little cloud in the future – “I want to be sure we really can work out before I turn my world upside down to move to be with my partner or have them do the same for me!”
It’s important to understand that you or your ex might have to make a fair bit of sacrifice in order to make things work. Long distance relationships often fail when one thinks about the possibility of having to give up on the life they have made for themselves just to go be with their partner. It’s often an unnerving thought!
Every relationship however, has an inherent strength value and this could just be a significant test of yours! A relationship may seem wonderful and strong on the outside but what really determines its strength is the manner in which partners handle obstacles! So if your relationship just crumbles after hitting the first couple of bumps, then you know that it was probably not very strong to begin with!
If you and your partner really do want to make it work, YOU WILL MAKE IT WORK despite all of the obstacles along the way! But if you see that your partner isn’t doing much to help you wade through the trying times, you might want to rethink your priorities and shift your focus away from something that did not stand a chance anyway!