Men will date you? But men just won’t commit to you? You found a man you have a special connection with. He just won’t commit to a relationship. Maybe he likes you but won’t commit. He talks about the future but won’t commit. He won’t commit but also won’t leave you alone. You act like a couple but he won’t commit.
You’re confused because he tells you:
- I’m not ready for a relationship.
- I can’t give you the commitment you want.
- I’m just not sure.
He is happy to continue dating you, he just can’t see himself committing right now.
Then, the $1000 question is, what do you do now?
You like him, maybe even love him.
You want a committed relationship with him. But you also don’t want to waste your time if he’s never going to commit.
You’re over casual dating and you’re ready for something real and long lasting. You’re ready for marriage and kids – in fact, you feel like time is running out and you need to either get him committed soon OR move on and find someone who will commit now.
He Won’t Commit – But You Don’t Have To Be Confused
A lot of women come to me confused, but here’s the thing. I don’t allow my clients to be confused – ever. Confusion doesn’t help you, it just keeps you stuck. Confusion is the biggest dream stealer there is.
And here, we think we have a convenient reason to be confused.
Clients will present with, a man is showing two different sets of actions, with one set of actions, it means he cares and he likes me, and with another set of actions, it means he’s not into me, he doesn’t like me.
| Reasons He Likes Me | Reasons He Doesn’t Like Me |
|---|---|
| He initiates texts and calls | He sometimes goes a long time between texting/contact |
| He helps me with work/assignments | He talks about other girls |
| He is supportive of my goals | He doesn’t want to commit to me |
| He wants to date me | He says I’m not ___ or ____. |
| He thinks I’m hot | He can be cold. |
| He tells me he misses me | He says he’s not ready to be in a relationship with me. |
When you don’t hear from him it leans heavily on the negative side, and when he sends a good message, it leans more on the positive side.
You may have the above going on in your brain and you’re ping-ponging back and forth, looking for evidence of whether he is or isn’t into you and whether you should or shouldn’t waste time with him.
Your brain is trying to predict the future.
You think if he likes you, you’ll likely be in a relationship with him in the future. And if he doesn’t like you, you’ll likely NOT be in a relationship with him. And depending on which outcome you want, you’re going to subconsciously manipulate his actions to show you more of the actions you want to see.
“Depending on which outcome you want, you’re going to subconsciously manipulate his actions to show you more of the actions you want to see.”
Notice how much power your brain is giving this man.
It would seem, this man, has the power to change the trajectory of your future, and depending on what he does, it’s either going to be a “happy future” or a “sad future”.
Well, I’ve got some good news for you.
Your future emotional state is not controlled by this man. Because your emotions are not created by him. It’s not created by what a man does or doesn’t do.
Your emotions are created from within you. From your thoughts.
And I know this is weird if you’ve never heard of it said this way.
But think about it.
External circumstances can’t “cause” our emotions. It may seem like they do, they may seem to “trigger” our emotions, but they don’t. They don’t cause, or trigger, or create our emotions.
He Won’t Commit – He Doesn’t Create Your Emotions, Your Thoughts Do
Our thoughts create our emotions.
A man does something, you make his actions or inactions mean a sentence in your head, that sentence makes you feel a certain way. If you have a positive thought about his action, you feel a positive emotion. If you have a negative thought, you’ll feel a negative emotion.
It’s so important you know that because we give SO much of our power away to men without realizing it.
So first of all, the confusion you feel comes from a thought like: I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know how he feels. He’s giving me mixed messages.
It’s important you realize they are not FACTS, they are the story you’re telling yourself about his actions. Doesn’t mean they’re not valid. They are. Just remember they’re a story, not a fact.
He Won’t Commit – Questions You Need To Ask Yourself
Then what should you do next? To get yourself out of confusion, let’s ask your brain a different question, so you can come up with some more empowering thoughts to think. This is a way to redirect your brain, so it can gain clarity.
- Why did you go on dates with him? What was the purpose of going on dates with him?
- Do you want to continue to date him knowing he doesn’t want to commit? If yes, why? If no, why?
- Do you like your answers to the above questions? Why?
I want you to get clear on why you went on dates with him to begin with.
For example:
- I was attracted to him. He looked interesting. He made me laugh. I was dating him because I thought he wanted a relationship, and I could see myself having a relationship with him.
- I don’t want to continue to date him. I think I should stop dating him and find someone who does want a committed relationship with me. But I’m not sure if I will stop. I think I’d find it hard if he still wants to see me.
- I don’t really like my answer. I want to just cut him off and stop seeing him, and be able to move on – even if he reaches out to me.
Answering these questions will help you figure out what you want to do, and what is standing in the way of you doing that thing.
This exercise is to have you notice what your brain offers you. It puts the focus back on you, what you have control over, which is what you are thinking, feeling and doing.
When we focus outside of us, on men, we lose all of our power, we turn ourselves into victims and we feel helpless. This keeps us stuck.
I invite you to do this exercise and to remember you have ALL the power.
There is no man out there that is forcing you to do anything, to feel anything, to think anything.
There is no man out there that is forcing you to do anything, to feel anything, to think anything.
You are just having some thoughts, and by being aware of your thinking, you can choose how you want to think, and give yourself back the power.
Now I want to leave you with one last question:
If you believed you’re a high value woman, worthy of love, what would you do (regardless of what he does)?
And what would you do if you knew love was coming, and your man is out there, waiting for you, what would you do?