Are you currently missing your ex and wondering what if? Should you try and get them back? Is your relationship worth salvaging?
The last thing you want to do is spend a lot of time and energy trying to restore a relationship with your ex. Especially if you are to be made a fool of, or realizing later on that he is not the one.
Now, there are going to be opinions on the, getting your ex-back topic. Especially when you ask family and friends. A popular reaction from people is “why would you even bother?”. “An ex is an ex for a reason”. “Why would you chase someone who doesn’t want to be with you in the first place?”.
Okay. These are all good responses, and they certainly have some truth about them. But I also have a big problem with some of these default answers. Too often people are too quick to respond with this type of advice. They typically tend to be very prideful.
They also tend to be quick to place blame on the other person for the relationship failing. Or, for it to be the other persons’ fault. It is simply their defense mechanism to say the relationship didn’t work because of the other person. Not them. It was not something they did.
So, it pays to do a little probing here to understand how their previous relationship may have ended. A lot of the time you will hear things like, oh she was the crazy one. He was the douche! She cheated on me. He lied to me etc. etc.
So, you need to be really careful of taking advice from people who are quick to place the blame on the other person, because it usually means they have a problem with taking ownership of the part they played in their relationships ending.
So, if you’re sitting around wondering if you should even try getting your ex back, I’m going to share with you a few questions you should be asking yourself first, to find out whether you should get your ex back.
#1 – What do you really want in a relationship?
It is so easy to fall into the trap of this is what I want, because…
It is what society says I should want
It is what my mother or friends say I should want
But maybe, this is not you?
Here is an example of what I mean.
Some people are drawn to very passionate people. The sort to bring a lot of excitement into a relationship. One minute the excitement is hot, fun, spontaneous and impulsive. And the next minute, total drama. The world is ending, there are arguments and screaming fights on the street!
By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with passionate people. We are simply all drawn to different types of people and personalities.
But it is good to take some space and time to really think back on your relationship.
Was it a rollercoaster? Was it fun and spontaneous and you miss that part? Was the bad stuff really bad? Does it out way the good parts of the relationship?
Because for some people having an argument every other week is okay.
Then compare with your previous relationship with your ex. Does it live up to what YOU want in a relationship? Or do some areas really fall short? Be honest with yourself here. If your ex-didn’t give you what you wanted or needed in a relationship, then maybe it’s a good thing the relationship ended.
#2 – Do we have or share common goals? Are your values aligned?
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but an important question to ask.
If you both agree you share common goals, and your values are aligned – this is great!
Even if you are both heading towards the same goal, but have slightly different approaches – then this is okay too. As long as you can communicate clearly, work through it together, and accept each other’s way of achieving the goal.
However, if your values do not align or you do not share is common goals. Then you really need to ask if this is what you want in a relationship? And if you are willing to comprise or waver on your beliefs.
It could be another sign of incompatibility and to move on from that relationship.
#3 – Do you have enough information?
A lot of the time, especially early on in a relationship, you may have a disagreement or misunderstanding due to miscommunication. And this can cause the relationship to split.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you could not have made the relationship work. It may just mean you are not communicating effectively with each other. Maybe you are tip-toeing around the real issues?
I see this a lot!
As long as you were not one of those couples that talked about your problems to death. Then maybe you should consider reconnecting? Open up the dialogue to start some proper communication. Explore if you can talk honestly about what really went wrong in your relationship and if there is some desire to fix it.
Of course, if you have been communicating to death and getting nowhere, or even more upset with each other. Then maybe that’s a good sign not to re-kindle the relationship and focus your energy elsewhere. This is especially true if your values and goals are not aligned.
#4 – Was there enough passion in your relationship?
When I refer to passion, I’m talking about the energy that you bring into your relationship.
If you no longer care to give them a hug or send them a text message to see how their day was. Then you probably don’t have enough energy or passion left in the relationship. And that goes for the reverse.
If your ex left you, and since the break-up, they have not tried to reach out, liked your posts on social media or asked friends about you. Even months and months after the break-up. Then you might want to consider moving on. Because if your ex-has no passion for the relationship, then you are really dealing with the law of diminishing returns. And it gets to the point that it is not worth putting the energy or effort into a relationship if they no longer care.
Our intuition always knows best. But sometimes when you are still hurting, receiving mixed messages from your ex, or a strong opinion from family and friends it is hard to hear what your intuition is saying.
If you still believe you should be with your ex and your relationship is worth saving, go check out this video – I reveal my foolproof strategy for getting your ex back even if your situation seems impossible right now.
By the way, if you doubt you still have a chance with your ex, take this short quiz. This quiz will reveal a percentage on your likelihood to get your ex back – even if your situation seems hopeless right now.