11 Secret Signs He’s Into You – Not The Usual Signs

by | Jun 24, 2019

What if you knew the signs he’s into you? You’ll agree with me when I say… it’s hard to know for sure if a man is into you. Men often give mixed signals that are confusing, so I’ve compiled these 11 secret signs he’s into you and has feelings for you.

Women can have more meaningful, more passionate, more freeing relationships with men by understanding how men think.

Does He Like You Or Not?

No doubt a man has caught your eye and you sense he’s shown some interest your way, but you’re not really sure. After all, he could be bored, lonely, being friendly, or reaching out due to work or business reasons. You don’t want to be played, but you also don’t want to read him wrong and feel disappointed.

As a dating and relationship coach, I’m aware of the dangers of not being in tuned with men and how they think. Misreading men can lead to false expectations, which puts you at risk of developing feelings for someone who doesn’t have feelings back. Which leads to ultimate pain and rejection.

It’s smart to have a grip on reality and how he truly feelings about you, so you can protect your heart.

Let’s get into it! Here are the top 11 secret signs he’s into you:

1. He Admires You

He Admires You

Have you achieved something unique and special?

Whether that’s running a marathon, buying your first car in cash, purchasing your own home, breaking away from a bad relationship, standing up for yourself in front of others, travelling the world solo… have you noticed he is “impressed” by something you’ve done?

Men are into women who have something they admire and respect. It could be a unique personality trait, achieving something difficult, experiencing something they wish they could do themselves, you may simply be “more patient” than him and that’s something he wish he has.

Men Are Into Women They Admire!

How do you know if a man admires you? If he asks about specific accomplishments you’ve made or points out observations about you in a positive light, it means that’s a quality he admires.

When a man admires a woman, it signals deep intrigue and respect. Deep down, even if he doesn’t say it outright, he is wanting and looking for opportunities to spend more time with you and get closer to you.

2. He Stays In Contact

He Stays In Contact

If a man is into you, he will look for subtle and not so subtle ways to talk to you and spend time with you.

That could mean organising social events and inviting you to every single one. It means texting you random suggestions that will help you with your career or personally because he wants to “help”.

Does he show up to many of the social gatherings YOU go to? Eg. If you’re there, does he always make an effort to also show up? And does he always initiate a conversation with you on his own? If yes, there’s a good chance he’s into you.

Pay Attention To This!

What you want to pay attention to is: does he go out of his way to stay in contact with you or talk to you?

Liking, sharing or viewing your social media posts is not enough to mean he’s into you if he isn’t directly communicating with you. He HAS to put forward some effort to stay in contact and speak with you directly.

With that said, if he’s your ex or you’ve had a falling out, he may be ignoring you on purpose.

Provided there hasn’t been any issues between you, a man will look for opportunities to spend time with you.

3. You Hear About Him From Friends

You Hear About Him From Friends

When a man is into you, often you’ll hear about his interest through his friends or mutual friends. Contrary to what you may believe, men DO talk to their male friends about women and relationships. It’s as hot of a topic as it is amongst women. 

If his friends are making little comments and jokes about him and you, or you notice some weird signals between them when you’re around, it could be a secret sign he’s into you!

Variations of this could be, his friends suddenly asking you to social events where he would naturally be, his friends are trying to sell you on what a great guy he is, his friends inquiring on whether you’re single or not, his friends asking what kind of guy you like, and if they mention traits that this particular guy have, you know they’re just asking for him!

4. Consistent Attention From Him

Consistent Attention From Him

One pattern I tell women to pay attention to is how often a man initiates conversation with you, and how consistent he is about it. 

Consistency equals interest. Think about anything that’s important to you, you are probably more consistent with those activities or people than others that are less important.

Most of us talk to our friends and family on the regular because they’re the most important people to us. It’s a must that we stay in contact and there’s consistency because of their importance.

The same is true of activities like working out, going to work, eating, showering, sleeping… those are important activities, so naturally a routine and consistency revolves around those activities.

If a guy is consistently texting you even when you don’t text him, it symbolises importance. You’re subconsciously important to him. And if you’re important to him, then he must be into you!

Try This Amazing Technique!

One amazing technique is to deliberately drop the conversation and see if he naturally picks it up himself. Try it next time when a man is talking to you. Just let the conversation naturally end. Then instead of asking a question or making a comment to keep it going, just be quiet and see what he does.

5. He Thinks Through His Answers

Ever asked a guy a question and he gave a vague and unimaginative answer? If a guy gives short responses or lazy responses, then chances are he isn’t interested in you enough to answer properly. 

When a guy is into you, he will think carefully about his answers to you. That’s a sure sign he’s into you. I’ve asked very simple questions to men, who could have answered in a few words, but instead, chosen to provide a very well throughout paragraph that clearly took him 5-10 minutes to construct.

He Thinks Through His Answers

The quality of his answer spells volumes about how he feels.

This shows he cares and respects the person he’s talking to, and respect is everything to a man. If he doesn’t respect you, he’s not going to be into you!

If he’s into you, likes you and respects you, he will put in the time and effort to contruct thoughtful answers with care!

He wants to impress you after all, and doesn’t want to screw things up.

NOT into you:

  • Give you short answers
  • Give you smart ass answers
  • Be dismissive in his response
  • Be very general and vague

INTO you:

  • Think about the question BEFORE answering
  • Provide a very well thought-out answer
  • Give specifics and details
  • Be willing to answer most if not ALL questions you ask him
  • Ask questions to get to know you

6. His Place AND His Toilet Are Clean 

His Place And Toilet Are Clean

If a guy is trying to impress you, he’s going to be conscious about being CLEAN for you. He isn’t going to invite you over to a dirty messy room. He isn’t going to let you use a dirty toilet. He’s not going to show up in tattered sweat pants and stain-covered t-shirt.

Men generally keep their living quarters dirtier than women (generally). But rest assured if there’s a woman coming over and he’s into her, he’ll pull out all the stops to clean up his act – at least temporarily.

If you show up to a dirty and messy space, it means he didn’t care enough to clean up for you. Not making an effort equates not that into you.

7. He Sells Himself On What a “Great” Boyfriend He’d Make

One sign he’s into you is he’ll boast about what a great, loyal and caring boyfriend he’d make. 

He Sells Himself On What a Great Boyfriend He'd Make

What exactly would he talk about? Well, here are some ideas:

He’d mention how well he’d treat a woman in a relationship.

He’d talk about how other men are jerks, liars, cheaters, douchebags and narcissists. What he’s trying to do is separate himself from “those men”. He’s different. He’s NOT one of them.

Loyal men will talk about how they have never cheated on a woman before. (Note: watch out if he talks about cheating women… interestingly if a guy talks negatively about women cheating, it could be his subconscious commenting about his own cheating tendencies).

He may mention that he’s ready for a relationship and/or kids in the future.

He might even say he used to be a player and is over that phase of his life.

What about the guy who only talks about sex or sells you on how amazing he is in bed?

It won’t shock you that sex is the only thing he is after. Especially if he follows up the sex talk with negative views of being in a relationship.

8. He Pays For You Or Gives You A Gift

When a man is into a woman, he’ll want to gain her attention and make her feel good. Giving a gift could be as simple as paying for your coffee, paying for your parking ticket or offering his last donut.

He Pays For You Or Gives You A Gift

Now, giving gifts may not be a sign of interest if he does this with EVERYONE. So you have to pay attention.

Is he a people pleaser? Is he a generally nice and giving person? Does he offer to pay for coffees and offer help to other women or men too?

If the behaviour isn’t isolated to you alone, then it may not indicate interest. It simply means that’s just how he is. (Those nice guys are annoying right? lol)

9. He Goes Out Of His Way To Make Your Life Easier 

He Goes Out Of His Way To Make Your Life Easier

Has he offered to give you a lift after work? Does he notice when you’re struggling with bags and immediately help? Does he spend hours helping you research something?

Is he willing to go to another room and get something for you? Does he offer to help you in ANY way?

Has he spent time to organise, prepare and cook dinner for you?

Has he come up with date ideas, offered to give you a lift and pay for the date?

Does he listen to you, offer suggestions and advice, and is there for you when you need him?

If yes, then chances are he’s into you.

Men won’t go out of their way to help a woman unless he’s into her.

Even if he’s just a ‘friend’. If he’s doing these things, chances are he’s secretly into you and would date you if given the chance.

Again, similar to the last point, if he does this for everyone, male or female, then he may just be a chronic people pleaser. It may not indicate genuine interest if that’s just how he is.

What you want to look for is DIFFERENCE in behaviour. If he normally won’t go out of his way for others, but he’s willing to do it for you, DING DING DING… it has to mean he’s into you!

10. He Disappears And Reappears

This is an unusual sign. The popular opinion on why men disappear is he’s not into you or he’s talking to other women. Although this may be the case, there’s another reason, much less talked about, that could also be true. 

He is overwhelmed by intense emotions. These intense emotions could be fear, depression, sadness and anxiety.

He Disappears and Reappears

A lot of men, when depressed, will retreat and hide from the world. This is especially true if he has a mental illness or a history of depression.

When a man becomes emotionally closer to a woman, this often triggers feelings of fear, anxiety or discomfort, which may make him pull away suddenly.

How do you know if he’s overwhelmed by feelings or he’s just not interested?

Did you get emotionally close BEFORE he suddenly disappeared? Were things going really well right before he pulled away? Did you reach a new level of intimacy and then had an “argument” or disagreement that made him stop talking to you?

Look for this pattern. If his only pattern is disappearing and reappearing whenever he felt like it, then he’s probably not interested, he’s just bored and killing time.

However, if you genuinely were getting emotionally closer before he disappeared, there’s a strong chance he is into you, he’s simply afraid to get too close.

11. Trust Your Gut

I’ve left the best sign a man is into you last. And that is to trust your gut instinct. Women are highly intuitive and deep down have a hunch about whether a man is into her. 

If you have to ask and wonder, he probably ISN’T into you and what you’re picking up are simply his personality traits.

A nice man will do nice things. A kind man will do kind things.

Those signs can often be interpreted to mean they are signs he’s into you, but it’s often not.

Trust Your Gut

Listen to what your heart is telling you. Your body knows what’s true. You just need to deliberately tap in and pay attention to your heart. Where women get into trouble is when they spend too much time in their head.

Overthinking and overanalysing a man will mislead you down the wrong path. Men are simple. If he’s truly into you, his actions will reflect this in a consistent and reliable manner. If he isn’t into you, then that’s where inconsistency and mixed signals come in.

When you stay in your head, you’re missing your natural intuition of what is true.


When a man is into a woman, he shows it in a consistent and predictable manner. It will be obvious to you. He won’t make you play guessing games.

It’s great to look for these signs he’s into you, but know that ultimately, your heart knows the truth.

With that said, sometimes a man will pull away or act confusing when he’s depressed or overly emotional. But these moments will be few and far in-between and ultimately, if he’s into you, he will re-establish contact and return to showing interest again.

Look for patterns. Look for consistency. Trust your gut. Be aware of the truth.

If you know a man is into you, what do you do? Do you lean back and wait for him to pursue you? Or do you have a habit of chasing after him, even if you’re not 100% sure he’s into you?

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11 Secret Signs He's Into You